Today I tidied my room, okay, just half. It’s still something, thats not normal for me to tidy. While I was tidying, it gave me many old memories. About those four last years, I can see how much my life have been changed. You all have too been chanced past my memories, isn’t it weird to think about? Four years, it’s maybe low digitnumber but its really much. The world have been chanced, more than we think.
What should I feel? Happy or sad? I’m not that type of sadness, so I don’t really feel anything but that void feeling walk slow past my body and mind, I don’t even know how I should explain that. Old memories gave me many feelings what I’ve done, there is some things I’m piting and other things I’m not. Sometimes I want back to the Past to fix anything I shouldn’t have done, re-experience things I have experienced or do things I chosen to don’t
BUT! All of that make us to be that we are today, even though some is might too painful. We are what we are, nothing should chance that. So I’m sitting here with good feeling after to have tidy my room, okay, half room.
Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. – Kevin Arnold
Today, you made me smile. But I have a few sentences I need you to read, just to get the greater picture of things. here they go:
Once upon a time there was a boy, this young and so nervous boy, he had all those dreams, all those things he wanted to do here in this world, but he was not sure of himself. And what did he do? Did he do what his friends did: nothing in particular, just letting time go and hoping for the best? This boy, he was not like them, but in a way, he was everything everyone was. He had all the qualities and all the faults that you can think of. He was everything no one was. And he was so unsure.
You might be asking yourself, do I think of him as I think of you? Well, at that point, I have to apologize. I think telling the reason for that now spoils everything. But back to the story. In every challenge he met, he tried to do everything he could to avoid them, of course, he did not know this, but his life was marked, he had friends, he knew people, but no one really liked him, and no one hated him. I think this person is inside all of us, the one that wants to be invisible, having the possibility to do everything he wants to, and feel free of obligations. Well, this boy, he was that person. But, you know, you cannot avoid, what would you call it, fate? No, he could not avoid what was coming, no matter how good he was at seeking cover from the world.
What happened next to him, is not very relevant, but I can say that I know no good things came out of it. Or, maybe one thing, he began making decisions. He began making enemies. You cannot be loved for who you are without being hated for it at the same time. Believing something else, is to be living in a fantasy. This boy, all his life, he had been a parenthesis, a no one to everyone. He then woke up and started seeing this. He saw that none of his friends were really his friends, and he told them.
You can surely imagine what happened next. Our boy, flying around, letting his anger out over who he was at everyone, soon was hated. I am not saying that he did not have the chance to change things, to apologize, to make things right; he had all those opportunities. But this blind boy, he was too green to seize them. He was new to living life, and he failed dramatically. Soon, he was at that low bottom that you cannot escape. Hated by everyone, hating himself, slowly, he began seeing where he was. And it was dark.
I wish I could give you a Hollywood ending of our story, where he finds a friend in a cold world, gets himself back on track and lives life the way everyone else lives it. Being normal. But you and I, we both know that there is no such things as normal. And there is no such thing as changing yourself to someone you are not. We are what we are, and as you are telling in your post, what we are, is a result of what has happened to us.
Our boy tried to change who he were. tried to be a friend, smiling to the people on the street, thanking the cars that stopped to let him over. He was a walking smile. But he was a wreck, his inside was chaos. Trying to love the world was the most painful thing to him, I think, of course, I cannot be sure of much of what I am telling anymore, as he was what you would call a ‘lost soul’, what I know, is what I and friends have seen and heard. Even though his world might not have been as dark as it once seemed to be, he still was low down, and what happened next to him, might have been an accident, but I think not, I am pretty sure he wanted it to happen.
I think much of who he was, is inside all of us, including this. I do not think anyone really saw what happened, even though he was this walking smile, spreading joy wherever he was, he still was himself. He still was that parenthesis, this gray person in this colorful world. You cannot change who you are, you can change everything you do, but in the end, it is, as you are saying: we are a result of our choices. Your chance to change yourself only comes once, and that is when you have a choice. Choosing not to choose, postponing it, also is a decision.
Our boy, he is dead, of course. He died a terrible death, screaming, people had to get treated for the sights and sounds they were witnessing as our boy slowly was physically erased from this world, at last the physical world caught up with the reality – our boy did not exist, and now he died. The papers soon realized that this man had no family, no friends and that no one that cared that they wrote what happened, that is how I know he died painfully. This is many years ago. I choose to call him boy, as that is who I remember him as, and that is who this man died as. He died as a little boy, a boy who felt he never had gotten the chance to live life, never got the chances to make friends and foes, never got the chance to be best or the worst and live with that. That is surely what he felt, this is, one of the many things he told to his ‘friends’ in blind anger.
But you know, he had a choice. He did not have to live on waiting for the chance to come. Chances never come. Life is what you make it. And, you out of everyone, should know this! Your post has clearly not been looked through, checked for errors, and that reminds me of this boy! He is dead, and if you do not check your words, you one day will regret that you did not. You know, every word you choose is a decision that will follow you the rest of your life. If you at least tries to make your text correct, you might not end up in the dark hole of Petter Solberg-English. You have dreams, goals, and they do all depend on you trying. Make a change to your life, check your English one more time!
But still, your text made me smile. Your topic really, truly did.
The only grammatical comment I choose to spare, until you check your text for some obvious errors, is that your sentences have a wonderful flow. Your choices of words are good. And I must tell you one thing: in your first posts, your sentences with a comma were a mess – the end of your sentences did often not relate to the beginning. You said something, and then you said something completely different. Schizophrenic! But not anymore.
I might not be in the mood to comment your grammar right now, but I might soon be. I only want you to check your text for this: is ‘chance’ the same as ‘change’? If you do, I will check the rest.
My sword still is sharp – in ways you never could imagine! You were not prepared for a moral lesson, were you? You look a bit, what should I call it, split in half?
By: Samuel Clemens on May 10, 2010
at 02:33