Oh my god, I haven’t written something for a while now. What happened? I must say I don’t really know, things are gone by meg too fast. I can handle this space, not this time. I need to come out, to be free from the bubbleworld that i’m in now.
In every day I had always something words I wanna say, but the time was not nice. I’m feeling I’m Alice in Wonderland(not the movie), I must run after the white rabbit. He’s hard to catch, if you are asking me. Well, I have many things to say about. I will try to get them out at the blog soon
You, who have said you are just waiting for me to write something new, I’m happy for to be asked for that. It is now I know it’s someone is reading my blog, without I have asked them to do that. Thanks for the inspiration.
People, who care about you, is the power of inspiration. Let them know you do too
You inspire me, so much. I thought you should know that too
Maybe once i’m done with high school, i will set up my blog properly.
Your English is improving everyday, well done!!
Lots of hugs and klem,
Drisana x
By: Drisana on March 24, 2010
at 10:31
Yes, because you said so…
True. It’s not so easy to find time to write or to say everything you want to say, but those times you write makes my day great. You’re writing good and I’m always looking forward to see what you have to say.
By: Jannicke on March 24, 2010
at 14:32
Yes, you need to get out of your bubble and break your porn addiction!
By: Your GF on March 24, 2010
at 18:32
Hello there, Alice! Here is another message in a bottle for you. And I assure you that you don’t have to run and try to catch it, I would hardly recommend it; as my message is prepared to eat you whole. But I think we will save that part for later, as for now, I will stab you! I truly hope your wounds have grown from our last meeting. And if they did not leave any scars, well, that is too bad; because I will make sure you get some today. Oh, I forgot: you are to be eaten whole! You do not have time to grow scars that fast, but let us try at least. I love trying!
I just had to comment this post of yours, neither because of the typos, nor because of whatever faults there might be (and hopefully are: I am hungry), but because of the content. This post is so personal, it does actually tell me a quite bit about you. I use my chance here to send my warmest greetings to your girlfriend, I did not know you had one, but that is just another one of the wonders of the Internetwork! You two do seem to be having such a open-minded relationship. I love it! Honestly, I did not need to know about your ‘picture-thingy’, it is just not suitable for a man like me to know that.
Now, let us get to work. Your text is compelling, and your grammar is improving. However, I must ask you to please use some time to read your text and note yourself where you are unsure. There you should ask yourself whether you actually are writing what you are meaning to say, or does the text say something else? I know it is easy to have something in your head but when you are in lack of the right words or a way to say it, you end up writing something that is not quite what you mean, or a word-by-word translation of the Norwegian way to say it. If you discover that the words and sentences you have chosen do not fit: try to rewrite that section. Look for another way of saying the same thing. It is great practice!
First paragraph:
1) “haven’t written something”, you have a negative statement, as you say something that has not happened; you have not written. Here you should use “anything” instead of “something” because it is used whenever you have a negative statement. Except in most American films and tv-series, they have a hopeless language! “I ain’t done nothing to him!”
2) “things are gone by meg too fast” – I know “meg” is a consequence of our digital world where our fingers and our keyboards have grown together. The next thing is perhaps a keyboard that can predict what you want to write and then write it for you!
But the next problem is harder to spot: “things are gone by meg” – “are” is correctly related to “things” (which can be substituted with “they” just to check whether you are using the right form of “to have”), but you are talking about something that has happened in the past, and might go on, which can be described as a situation where you shall use verbs in the past continuous form (if it is still happening) or verbs in the simple past form (something that has happened but no longer is happening). If it still is happening (past continuous): “things have been going by me too fast”, or if it has happened (simple past): “things have gone by me too fast”
2) “I can handle this space, not this time” – I love what you are trying to say, because you are so right! But the second clause in this sentence (everything after the comma) is clearly an independent clause (a new statement), and therefore you should use a conjugation (here would the proper one be “but”). This gives you the sentence: “I can handle this space, but not this time.” But I must ask you whether “this space” and “this time” really are good expressions: are there other times and other spaces? You say “this” and that is almost as pointing at it, but time and space are not concrete objects, they are mere ideas created by human trying to describe the world they are living in. I would suggest writing: “I can handle space, but not time”. And, that is a really mighty thing to say!
3) “need to come out”, no you need to “get out”, but I can see that your girlfriend has commented the very same thing in a very gentle way. Ah, cute!
4) “to be free from the bubbleworld that i’m in now”, this clause does actually have an English taste! First, and most obviously: I do not think that “bubbleworld” is a word, but I see what you mean. You could just say “bubble”. Doing that, you use a picture in your sentence, rather than creating and using a dubious word. Literal pictures do really give a text a good feel.
“to be free” is something you are. If you want to accomplish this, you need to get there somehow. Maybe “free myself from the bubble that I’m in now”. Now, little Alice is in a bubble of all the places on the earth!
Next paragraph:
1) “In every day I had always something words I wanna say, but the time was not nice.” This is Norwegian. Let us try to make this sentence English. “In every day”, you cannot say “every day” here. It is an adverb of frequency. “In” is a bit weak. To get this sentence English, you will have to rethink and rewrite it completely. Watch the time of your verbs, in what time are you? “Wanna” is “want to”, not “wanted to”. “Time was not nice”, no surely it was not, but you should actually use a contraction: “time wasn’t nice”, since that is what you have done so far (used contractions). And please do not say “the time”, unless you are a physician and know of other times. I have gotten to know of a philosophical idea of a time and space existing parallel to ours, but it is for all those things that move faster than light, and we are supposedly not able to see or detect them (because “our” space and time exist where things cannot move as fast as light). You know that a light particle would be infinite long if it was measuring its length, while, to us, it is infinite small! Einstein was a genius, I must say! And here is the sentence, as it should be, directly from another space and time to the magical André: “I often have words I want to say, but time hasn’t been nice to me.” That works, but sadly it is not exactly the same as what you are saying.
2) “I’m feeling I’m” should be “I’m feeling like I’m”.
3) “If you are asking me”, here, again, use contractions (“you’re” instead of “you are”), but you can say: “If you ask me”. And, note that “if you are asking me” should be followed by a proposition (if? Then. Else!, as: “If you wanna go, then you’ll have to kill me, or else you’ll have to stay”)
4) “Well, I have many things to say about”, there is nothing called “say about”, my apologizes! But you can talk about many things! But not discuss about, but discussing about something works.
5) “I will try to get them out at the blog soon”, “out at the blog” is not really a good phrase. You could say that you want to “but I will soon try to post them on my blog.”
6) “I’m happy for to be asked for that” – here: “for to be asked”, what is this? “I’m happy to be asked about that” works brilliantly well.
7) ” It is now I know it’s someone is reading my blog”, but for “It is now I know” here you can say “I now know that”, because “it is now I know” is more like there is something that you should have known, but that you did not.
8) “without I have asked” – here you could use “without me having asked” because you are talking about something that has happened and still is.
And finally, my very last stab today: “the power of inspiration” confuses me, has inspiration some kind of power? Because we use “of” like you do here when we want to say: “king of France”, “car of the month” and so on. But maybe you are talking about “the source of inspiration”?
I lower my sword and I see that there is nothing good in eating you now. I believe that my attack has been so sincere that there is not much left of you to eat. But your strength has amused me before, and will most certainly continue to do, so all I can say is: keep up your good work!
By: Samuel Clemens on April 10, 2010
at 16:22